As the years go by, I noticed many people have come and gone from my life. Friends, Family, acquaintances, co workers. All played a part in making me into the person I am today. Some for better, some for worse, but the people around me shaped who I became. Some people abused my trust for their own personal gain, or amusement . And some showed me true kindness, acceptance, and understanding. The later are the people I call “Friends.” If I chose to call you a friend, then you have earned my friendship through your actions. My past experiences have made me a little untrusting, cynical at times, and cautious about who I let in. For me it is truly sad to lose contact with a close friend. They are people I admire, respect, and whose company I enjoy. People who accept me for the Cynical, skeptical, atheist, jackass I can be at times, and like me for the honest, trustworthy, and loyal friend I am. I would hope you would consider it a compliment, if you are my friend then I consider you to be among the best people I have ever met. I tend to hold people to a Higher standard than most. I know what we are capable of as a species. I know I shouldn’t be so picky, it has Limited my circle of friends to a relative few. But, I can say with absolute certainty, that I do admire, trust, and cherish the friendships I have made. Those cherished few have shown me Kindness, compassion, understanding, and been there for me when I needed a friend the most. I can definitely say they are my extended, adopted, Family.
But sadly, over these last few years, I have lost Contact with some people I thought would be Life-Long friends. And for reasons I can’t quite explain, or figure out. They just stopped responding to calls, emails, and text messages. I would ask them to lunch to catch up, or over for a beer to keep the lines of communication open. Seeing as when people age, their lives take them in different directions, and as you get older it’s nice to be able to reminisce with the people you knew when you were young. Unfortunately my calls went unanswered, messages not returned, seemingly out of the blue. One friend in particular’s lack of response seemed to coincide with my “Coming out” so to speak. 2 years ago I felt it was time to make it public that I was an Atheist. No big deal for me if you believe in God, I Don’t. In any case, that’s not the point I’m here to make. Regardless of your political or religious beliefs, sexual orientation, or skin colour, I will not use that as a reason to not befriend someone, or cut ties with any friend. Like I pointed out earlier, if I considered you a friend, then I hold your character in high regard. But I guess some things are more important than friendship and loyalty. Like your commitment to the invisible man in the sky. Fine, I get it… well actually I don’t, but to each their own. If my friendship was that unimportant that you can be my friend when you think I believe in god, but when you realize I don’t, my friendship can be easily tossed aside like last weeks left over casserole, then so be it. I don’t need friends who are that fleeting, unenlightened, and un-accepting. My tolerance is high, but if yours isn’t then I guess my opinion of you was wrong. It sucks to lose a friend I have known since I was very young, and I hope my suspicions are incorrect, but sadly the coincidence is uncanny. I know Correlation does not equal causation, but until I get another explanation, I’m sticking with what the available evidence tells me. It saddens me even more that this person, who I’ve literally known my entire life, now has 3 children that I will never really get to know. Someone who I believed would be my friend for life, the brother I never had, has kids that I won’t get to spend any time with (knowing full well I won’t have children of my own makes this situation even more painful).
Another friend seemed to disappear shortly after my failed Kidney transplant. No reason. At a time in my life when I needed friends the most, some just chose to vanish into thin air. I guess I had taken on a little too much baggage, and it was too much work to be my friend. You know, visiting the hospital once to see if I was still alive, emailing to see how I’m holding up. I just required too much effort. I was very sad to lose contact with this person. We had shared some good times together, and his company really did bring joy to my life. I still hold out hope that someday we will get back in contact, reconcile whatever made us go our separate ways, and get back to making each other laugh hysterically, and killing each other repeatedly in Halo and then cursing the other for days about how he was “a F’N Camping Bitch!” The hope is still alive that someday this friendship will return to the way it was. If you are reading this Matt, no hard feelings, it would be great to hear from you. You were my best friend in High school, and I do miss your company.
I remember another friend I lost a few years after High school. It was Stupid how it all went down, but the principle of why I ended that friendship is solid. I had developed feelings for a girl who was a mutual friend, and was looking for an opportunity to ask her out. And, I had discussed this dilemma with said friend, “How do I get her alone to ask?” But before I could get the chance to make my move, he moved in and made a move first. First off, I had made it clear my Intention was to ask her out, and as a friend she should have then been off limits. And if he had the same feelings, should have said something so we could have not encountered this uncomfortable situation. So I felt I couldn’t really trust him anymore, and that was that. I haven’t spoken to him since. I know, it is stupid of me to have held that grudge over something so trivial. But when I was in Penticton, I was still wondering who I could really trust. I had been burned so many times by others that when it all went down I flashed back to all the other times my trust was betrayed and I was very angry about it. I still think he was totally out of line, but now it doesn’t matter. I have found someone I care deeply for, and wouldn’t exchange her for the world. It’s strange how the events of your life seem to play out to bring you to a certain point. I may never have met this amazing woman if things had played out differently. So, maybe someday I’ll smarten up at try to reconcile the friendship, but for now, I’m not sure I’m ready.
Through all the loss, there are gains as well. I have met, just in the last few years, some very amazing people. People whose friendships I hope to hold onto for a life time. They know who they are, so I don’t need to name names. Different circumstances have brought us together, but I hope our mutual respect, compassion, and trust will keep it that way. To all of you who have stood beside me when I needed you, from the bottom of my Blood Pump (heart! :) ) I truly thank you. You are the people who make life worth living. Without friends like you, who knows where I would be today. I sure wouldn’t be half as happy as I am now. You are the ones who care about me even when I’m being that cynical jackass, hold me up when I need a friend, and have earned my trust through acts of Kindness and compassion. You are my rock, my foundation, or very simply… you are my friends. Such a simple word doesn’t do you guys justice. I rely on you when I need a friend, and I hope you feel you can do the same. I feel very lucky that you have chosen to share a bit of your short time on this rock with me. I will never forget your Kindness. Thank you for being my friends.
Jason
